it hurts so much.. it can never be healed. a cut so deep will be left with a scar. painful.. painful! i wana kill myself.. so painnnn!! it can never be removed from my memory.. so sad.. i will always remember this…………..
eh? what were you thinking? me just accidently cut my hand.. the cut very deep!!! it hurts so much.. such a deep cut.. surely will be left with a scar? so sad.. OMG IM DISFIGURED. *crys* hahaha.. er im serious -.- i really accidently cut my hand with glass.. very deep.. so much blood i almost fainted.. head was spinning k! even my mommy panic.. we are scare of blood! haha.. funny how come my nickname is vampy then =x

to ying: sorry.. i wasnt pissed off or trying to annoy you or venting anger or mood swing or anything.. really juz no mood to go leave my door step.. theres no reason.. i wasnt being sarcastic…. fine ok! so i was being abit sarcastic, but im always sarcastic.. and i didnt lose my temper at all! im just stating facts that i dont need a reason for not feeling like going.. er.. actually its more like im lazy =x.. her house very far you know? go her house very sian you know? play mahjong ya tempting.. but i play with you all keep losing i sore loser you know? make brownie.. sorry im on a diet you know? not intending to spoil it k. i didnt assume anything! =x so.. do not be angry at ur lovely darling little bestest best friend of bestest best best friends.. shes sorry for being sarcastic or making you angry or anything! btw btw.. go buy a mic.. or i lent you my gaming mic first, i need it back tho. kk! next time dont use phone call.. you all go dl skype.. we talk using computer! XD
me sorry sorry sorry sorry (xINFINITY).. ohh i write here coz.. i tmr play game sure forget to call and say sorry.. talk to you on msn = 100% quarrel.. so write here safer rite. hahaha.. sleepy now nites nites!

“I Will Love Again”

Did I ever tell you how you live in me
Every waking moment, even in my dreams
And if all this talk is crazy
And you don’t know what I mean
Does it really matter
Just as long as I believe
[Chorus:]
I will love again
Though my heart is breaking, I will
love again
Stronger than before
I will love again
Even if it takes a lifetime to get over you
Heaven only knows, I will love again
People never tell you
The way they truly feel
I would die for you gladly
If I knew it was for real
So if all this talk sounds crazy
And the words don’t come out right
Does it really matter
If it gets me through this night
[Chorus]
If I’m true to myself, nobody else can take the place of you
But I’ve got to move on, tell me what else can I do
[Chorus]
I will love again
One day I know, I will love again
You can’t stop me from loving again, breathing again
Feeling again
I know, one day, I’ll love again

(lara fabian – i will love again! i love this song alot!)

i wish i can understand what love means.
i wish theres love in me.
i wish for love, dont you too?

everyone loves being cared for.
relationships, friendships, kinship.
whatever it is, does it really matters?
as long as you have been loved.

a broken heart, can never be mended,
unless you’re willing to fix it.

i died once, but i’ve reborn.
i wanna learn.. the meaning of love.
as long as im honest to myself.
i will shine, i trust this feeling.
i will find that love i crave.
and even if i fail, i’ll try again.

easy said then done,
only actions can proof my words.
but can’t bring me down,
cause im standing strong and nothing will go wrong.

you disappear for 12 fucking days. and only letting us know your going, on the very last minute. we agreed to not stop you or cause any trouble if you got us something from there. and so.. you just flew off to china, like that!
you promised you would buy us presents (present’S’. thats not single k. get a dictionary!) but you came back with NOTHING.. ya, you came back with 2 bottles of vodka and a bottle of wine. THAT COULD BE EASILY BROUGHT BY A NEARBY PATROL STATION. put some effort please? at least put up a show for us to see? even if you didnt bother? for the sake of the fucking so called holy god that you believe in that loves to fuck around cause his a fucking fucker?

anyway.. the vodka & wine.. i did a known, repeat, KNOWN declaration of never touching alcohol again. you know it. i told you many times. till now and i shall believe FOREVER, i WILL keep to my words as i promised my friends (PEOPLE THAT ACTUALLY CARES). empty promises sucks. i wun do something that i anti against.

i when thru your stuff.. and realize you brought alot of bags. i started removing them from the paper bags.. and i asked you.. you had time to buy all this but didnt have time to buy me something? a wallet? or something? i got nothing. she then said, “the bags were for you all to choose”. if that was true.. why didnt you tell me that when you came up to look for me? tell me the truth. ohwait i know the truth.. you got those bags for yourself.. you totally just forgotten about us. rite? its ok.. i understand.. i would just do the same as you next time.. but i for sure would get you something.

so, by buying me those things, are you trying to encourage me for underage alcoholic? if so, i really wonder whats up in your head.
heres the truth.. i drink yes, i do admit i love drinking, i know its wrong.. but it was supposingly to rebel. to actually GET SOME ATTENTION. but i never gotten it. anyway things changed when i realise, drinking could make you forget about your sorrows.. you go crazy for a night, no thinking about the sad things, do and say fuck up stupid stuff then wake up and cant remember a damn fucking shit thing cause of the horrible hangover you’re going thru, i enjoy that feeling.. shall rephrase that, I LOVE THAT FEELING. so thats how i got hook on it.
you can say.. i use alcohol to escape reality. thats true, i do not deny and will not deny.

would you ever understand the pain i have deep within? i can’t change it. i can try my hardest, my best.. but, you can’t buy love, you can’t buy kinship, you can’t buy feelings. if its not there its obviously not there. nothing else to be said. fullstop.

yes i know everyone is miserable in this world. no one can live a happy life eternally. cause happiness doesnt exist, so i should be happy with what i got. and yes.. i am happy with how things WAS, till i realise you would actually encourage me to become an alcoholic.
so.. example, if i would become a drug addict.. your gonna buy me heroin? cocain? whatever shit drugs that exist? or give me money to get it? woah. im impressed with your parental skills. *three cheers for you!* YOU FUCKING EARN IT. I REPEAT. YOU FUCKING SHIT EARNED IT.

fuck it. money cant do everything in this world. as i said. you can’t buy feelings, you can’t buy love, you can’t buy kinship, you can’t buy friendship, no no nothing like that at all.
im sick and tire of always listening to you talk about money. isit really that important in your face? (not only you. im telling everyone.) money is just paper. isit really that fucking important? if so. please just kill me. do me a favor.. more like something you owe me. you brought me to this fucked up world. you should be the one that brings me out of it too! stab me with a knife. knock me down with a car. throw me down a building i don’t fucking care. and yes i dont have the guts to do it. i agree im a coward.. i only do things to escape i dont try to fix it.. i run away.. i put up a strong front.. but im weak inside.. i lie about being tough.. im a hypocrite.. but who isnt like this? name me someone? if you can then.. so? you can. whatever. deep inside they could be the same as how i feel.

i guess i always have a so called family in games/online to get the feeling of having family values and family concern etc.. in other words i guess im using them as substitutes. then again.. they really do care for me more then my real related to blood ones does.. but in the end its still different.. i really wish i could visit them one day, it shall be my aim and dream.. and i will work towards it.. i swear i will…..