ignore the title..
i just felt like using that title.
and no i dont love sm. dont make me whip you! HAHA
mm mm.. lets continue!

 

i dont find myself attractive
i find myself “GORGEOUS”
can i add in.. drop dead infront of GORGEOUS? XD
my skin is freakin’ THICK. haha

so much deception to myself
but confidence is good!

lying to myself makes me happy. (:

i dont wanna know the truth
cause the truth hurts
and i hate getting hurt (doesnt everyone?)
i just wanna know, what i have to say..
to me, myself and i.

you cant bring me down.
cause i love who i am.
and im proud of it.

THATS ME.

shes back!
shes moving on!
shes breaking the rules!
and shes weird.
LOL

bygones, is by far bygones!

i dont give a shit about you anymore.
your off my mind.

im a FLIRT, didnt you know?
i forget easily.
your FORGOTTEN.
and im happily MOVIN’ ON.
your not missed.
talk to the hand.
good-bye.

enjoy rotting yourself viewing this.
cause im laughing my head off, while typing it.
hahaha.

i only know today.. that, actually alot of people view my blog..
(even people i never expected, and never wanted them to.)
they kept it a secret eh?
tsk tsk. secretive is suppose to be my job! =x
yes yes! i know im a very interesting person to read about.
dramatic is my middle name
creative is my last
and

vanessa is so cute!

LOL.

are you still reading this mister dung?
i specially wrote crap for you to waste your time on. haha

its fun chatting with you on msn! lol
destressing <3. X)
weeee.. its been weeks since i felt so relax.
thanks babe! lol

 

PS, WANKA! YOUR USELESS. LOL.

i cant stop laughing. hahaha
please go work on your stamina. your even worse then i am. haha

 

btw.. is this picture nice? got bored so i decided to play with photoshop. (:

 

 

right when you turn away..
everything seem so cold and dark..
i cant let go..
putting on a happy face is easy.
but, it hurts so much.

 

如果你从没出现  我会不会  觉得快乐一些？

to meixi:
girl, i know you like reading my blog.
so.. just telling you here, that.. IM ALRIGHT! OKAY?
dont need to worry. life still goes on.. =)
just a crush, CRY FOR WHAT?
even though,
I admit i LIKE him ALOT..
but i HATE him more than i like him.
and i love myself the most after all.
i’m very self centered x).
im quite happy to know the answer.
cause now i can go back to being myself.
and not stressing everyday.
so, really! dont need worry!
ohh ohh.. quite happy over one thing!
you care whether im sad anot!
IM TOUCHED! LOVE YOU! =X
hahahaha
whatever happens.
you are now laballed as my FRIEND!
i treat friends very nice one ok?
i can take a BULLET for them anytime.
just dont backstab me (dont repeat my secondary life)
or i’ll seriously be crashed. x)

 

people you like will never notice you
people you dont like will be running after you
people you get along with, can never be with you
people you dont get along, seem to be everlasting
dont get confused though.. it’s never what it seems.
fate is a strange thing, you can never understand its rules
all you can look out for, is its clues

you never get what you want
and you always end up finding out..
the things/people you want, are the ones that you never thought off
when you lose them, you realise how much you cant live without them
but at that point of time, they already given up hope
what i have learn, is probably what everyone goes through
you just need time to figure out.. the precious things in life

treasure the ones that are worth your time
(not the ones, like the one i just forgot. LOL)

lets end this for now..
continue after i come back from school x).

darling: sorry.. i remove later.. forgot la.. + it dont look that bad.. UNLIKE THAT PIC IN UR FRIENDSTER.

 

 

when you never bother to notice.
when you never bother to treasure.
when ignorance makes you lose everything.
..that is when your life truely begins

friday.. when drinking with pont pont and korrey
korrey’s bright idea to make me not go KTV haha.
and.. this is how drunk people look like
hope he doesnt view my blog! lol.
OK. i know i did/said stupid stuff too. but dont spread it k.
PS, if you do.. dont kill me. IM TOO YOUNG TO DIE. haha

so.. lets carry on.. /runs away *giggling*

 

saturday..

1. when cathay to do foods project

2. wonder if i when there to do project or quarrel with desmond? STUPID DOREMON.

3. when for a break and realise cathay has nothing to do at all!

4. came back to do my part for the project.. end up crapping and stalking on friendster with korrey.

5. watch korrey put make up.. and damn he looks cute with eyeliner. guys that put makeup and look good are HOT ok!

6. when to meet my girlfriend. the day has just began! or shall i say.. night. XD

7. ate at man jia le.. enjoy my food for the last time. x)

8. okok.. story time..!

when bugis after that.. JoJo when to find her friend.. end up talking to her forgot about me.. i jealous! how? lol joking.
her friend is cool tho. and her friend’s friend. so hyperactive. i like her! lol
ohwells.. lucky korrey around.. or i die of boredom.

had a “fun” long conversation with him.. im starting to know him ALOT more.
interesting guy. x)
i might have just found someone that wins me with sarcasm! ha!
his like my long lost brother. lol

when to CAN CAFE after that.. korrey and i when there first..
he left pretty much imediately lol..
lets not talk about his strange reaction.. XD
shall pretend he just left the topic!
soo.. slacked at CAN CAFE till 1am+.. jojo’s friend, wayne and peter joined us.

when to KTV after that.
something bad happen on the way there.
I FELL DOWN on my 4 inch heels! can you feel the pain?
OUCH. lucky i didnt break my leg.

anyway.. THANKS PETER FOR THE TREAT! mauhs* x)
kusa joined us too.. miss that guy so much! havent seen him in ages!
a little disappointed tho.. his a change man. soo emotionless. its like i duno him anymore.
*BROTHER. WHATS WRONG WITH YOU?
i miss the old kuku. the cheerful, crappy, hyperactive one.
GIVE US BACK THE OLD, JEREMY WONG JUN HUN!
ps, wheres that samuel boi boi.. MIA again?
happily DRAGON BOATING. wooooot.

stayed at KTV all the way till 4am+ when home..
and first time in ages i’ve see my mummy’s black face.
freak. lol
its my break day. gimme a break k? damnittt.

thats it for now! next are the lovely pictures. lol. i just randomly post k. lazy to place properly.

 

last thing before i take my grand departure!
i have officially decided to go on hardcore diet. once again.
to that guy* dont regret next time.
vomit all you want. think my feelings for you stronger or my temper?
im very self centered. you know?
im after all the spoiled brat.
when i successfully finish my diet.
and go for my makeover.
YOUR DOOM.
i’ll take my revenge.
on EVERY GUY I MEET.
i officially “hate” guys once more.
so, dont imagine urself to be so important. CAUSE YOUR NOT.
thank you! thank you! you just woke me up from my grave. <3. ha!
the vampire is back once more. lol.

why you keep talking to her
why you smile with her
why dont you smile at me
why dont you ever talk to me
why cant you notice me
why am i so obsessed over you
why am i willing to change myself for you
why are you driving me crazy
why all i can think of is you
why you stress me so much
why when i see you i feel angry
but when i dont, i miss you
why i miss hearing ur annoying voice
why i miss ur stupid doggy face
why do i miss you?
why i feel so miserable.. when you talk to other girls?
do you really have a gf? or are you just trying to reject me.
im not good enough.. coz im fat and ugly, in ur eyes. i guess so.
im willing to give up my food.. and go for a makeover for you..
just gimme a hint that you like me
and i’ll change myself to your liking.
im at your bidding. so command me all you want.
if only you will start noticing me.
what can i do to make you like me?
i cant make you like me..
i dont have the confidence to even ask you..
cause i know i’ll be rejected..
im scare..
i cant let you go..
i want you.
if i slim down.. you will start liking me right?
i dont want to listen to others saying its not worth it..
i dont want to listen to you telling me things i dont want to hear..
you have no looks. no character. no whatever. your really just an asshole. but i love you. the liking towards you. grows stronger day by day. i cant live without being able to see you everyday..
i dunno what i’ll do if i lose you.. (but ur not even mine)

i called you just to hear your voice..
but i was so frighten i didnt dare to talk.. i just threw the phone aside and hang up the call.
do you even care? guess not.

i feel so stupid!

damnit.. im really that drunk.. but im sobber.. i know..

whatever i say in this blog is what i feel at the bottom of my heart..

WHY WONT YOU LIKE ME?
WHY AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH?

ARGH! stop talking to her. i want you to not talk to her!!! i cant take this anymore.. everytime you talk to her.. i get so agitated.. probably if you talk to any girl.. i’ll go crazy.. its not probably.. its surely.. cause im already crazy for you. dont make me feel so miserable..

i really want to know.. what kind of girls you like.. i really wonder if im acceptable on ur list.. but right now.. im at no place to question..
can you please wait for me? till im slim and “pretty”?

havent you realise.. im trying so hard to become gentle? cause you said im too loud.. remember? at the coffee shop? i remember everything you say.. which really hurts me..
every word you say is always on my mind.. im trying my best to be what you want.

you made me like you. be responsible!

 

it’s a grave mistake.
but i have already fallen into the devil’s trap. 
and im loving it.
im missing you. 
your face, your voice, your everything.
ur always on my mind.

god damn it.. im damn sick!
sore eyes + sore throat + flu + cough + fever
FUCK IT. THIS SUCKS. lol

anyway..

i actually told my mum how i felt about being in school..
i made her sad again?
i failed my task to make my mum happy.
cuase.. i said i wanted to quit school

it kinda already broke my limits.
i used to be treated like a princess, before i go shatec..
at least, my family and friends treated me like one.
but now.. im treated worse than shit..
its hard getting used to being royal to outcast..
i miss being a spoiled brat.

my classmates really gives the worse insults ever.
it hurts even more when i tell them to shut the suan-ing,
and they tell me.. its not suan-ing, its a direct insult.
FUCK IT.

i know im fat. but got that bad?
am i really that ugly?
everyday must say im “broken”.
you know all this insults are the worse towards girls?
totally killed my confidence. NOT.
(contradiction: actually killed abit of my confidence la =x)
fat right? bring it. i JIAN FEI lor.
(no have contradiction line. cause this one. i say! so i will do it! I GOT A TREADMILL AT HOME OK. DONT PLAY PLAY. =x)
ugly right? I DONT FIND MYSELF UGLY. SO FUCK OFF.
(contradiction: actually ya la.. i know im not good looking. but no ones perfect.. -_-”)

ohwells, all this whining will still end up to square one..
to make my mum happy..
i end up telling her..
“i wont give up, cause that means i lose to those fuckers.
challenge me all they want. i wont let in to those freakers.
so NOT my style.”
(yes.. i used those exact words.. my mum is used to me using vuglar, tho i get scolding right after for being rude.. oops!)
deep inside.. i think i already lost. 
i already have a strong temptation to leave.

theres one thing i felt happy yesterday during practical though..
though it was an obvious ji-siao..
but it made me smile..
he said something that made my heart beat very fast.
shh.. secret!
ohya, i actually told my mum about the DEVIL too.
she told me.. YOU FALL FOR THE WORSE PEOPLE.
i said.. TOO BAD, FELL ALREADY.
first time like a guy, thought mama will be happy to know.. cause she finally know im not lesbian.. end up she tell me to FORGET IT. -_-”

all i can say is..
i cant forget it.
i wont forget it.
my mentallity dont allow me to abandon this thought.
each day, im liking him more and more..
hope this chemical reaction will end soon..
before it really drives me crazy.. haha.
(honestly. i dont want it to end. i like this feeling. haha)

actually.. theres one more reason why i could be so obsessed.
cause i’m using this as another excuse to go on my DIET PLAN.
i’m suspecting it. but im not quite sure of it.
mama also said, im confused. LOL.
but then again.. cause seeing him, stress me so much. i keep eating.
how is this helping my diet? Oo. ohwells.
i should psycho myself now.. “DIET. SO HE WONT CALL ME FAT.”
maybe what my DARLINGS say is true?
if i slim down, i will be considered above average?
haha.. making myself feel better. STUFF IT. k!

 

bittersweet symphony drives within my heart.
your the sunshine, that keeps me going.
your love is what i crave to have.
your the one i wish to possess.

I’m lovin’ the DEVIL, <3.

I’m JEALOUS.
but..
im no one to you.
would it matter, if i said im upset?
would it matter, if i cried?

how she got so close to you?
im annoyed seeing her touch you.
and yet, i have to pretend nothings wrong.

can this pain just disappear.
i dont want to hurt anymore.

I’m missing you.

your the only person that ever shouted at me.
(and actually scare me out of my wits.)
your guts makes me amaze.
im attracted to you.
but nothing ever goes the way you want.
the person you like, will never notice you.
but, im a very stubborn girl. <3

I can't forget you.
cause'..
I don’t want to.
you’r always on my mind.
and..
i’ll be waiting for you.

it hurts seeing you.
it kills not talking to you.
i’ll cry if you walk away.
i’m at your mercy..
so, don’t look away.

your laughter is more valuable than anything on earth.
your encouragement keeps me going.
your innocent eyes makes me smile.

i’m at you’r bidding.
so, tell me what you want.
your complicated, putting me in a maze.
i want to know what’s on your mind.

i know its impossible for you to want me.
but you can’t stop me from wanting you.
is it a crime to like someone?
yes i admit, i like you.

cause..

your the person i’ve been waiting for.
your the person i want to be with.
your the person that i’m willing to change myself for.
i’ll do anything you say.
your wish is my command.
just say the words i wanna’ hear.
please look my way.

posting random pictures! LET ME ZI LIAN all i want.. shuddup and dont criticise!

 

“always on my mind, i’m still missing you.”

Forever Friends. =). they never fail to cheer you up!






 

this is how much 2 girls can eat x).
or rather.. just JOJO and VAMPY can finish
DONT PLAY PLAY! we can eat you broke! LOL. 

 

this is what happens after demo when teacher say can try the food O_O
you get.. HUNGRY GHOST(S).

on the train after a very sad day.. get to see such a beautiful thing..
life isnt all that bad after all? “After the rain.”
 

one day.. i’ll get this dog.. 

xia lan dog! but cute right.

reminds me of my baby.. i miss her..
GIVE ME BACK MY BABY HUNNY!

cutie rabbit.. buy it for me and i will love you ^^v

 

It didnt hurt as much as i thought it would.
tears didnt fall, or maybe i was really just too numbed.
you made me forget about someone i waited for almost 4years.
he was a gentleman, but your a jerk.
its unexplainable how i fell for you.
i met so many people, but none of them could replace him.
all i can say is.. WHY SHOUT AT ME?
why do something other guys wont dare try do to me?
why make me notice you?
why kill me not once but twice.
im slowly changing my 17years bad habit cause of you.
aint you touched?
I CHANGED MYSELF FOR YOU.
even when my bestie tell me to change i refused!
AND YOU TREAT ME LIKE THIS.
why couldnt you just leave me in fake hopes?
WHY TELL ME THAT SENTENCE?
when i feel stress/upset..
i eat non stop to make myself feel happy.
my diet plan just got killed!
so that means you killed me 3 times..
I WILL REPAY YOU x2. ONE DAY.
say me crazy.. I SHOW YOU WHAT CRAZY IS.
AHHHHH.

i’ll be waiting for you.
maybe it could be to take revenge.. but whatever.
i’ll still wait.
YOUR DOOM.

so bored..
in the library slacking..
nothing to do..
everyone when for lunch..
his still angry at me.. why -_-”
ohwells.. why i keep thinking of this? LOL
at the mercy of the devil.

SO BORED!!
i HATE break time..
but at least today got comp to use haha
still got 1hour to waste..
hate mondays.. always release earlier then normal..
ohwells.. nothing else to say.. maybe a few minutes later i’ll post again? lol.