Did some shopping for clothes today and watched Friday the 13th. The movie ROCKS er… in a way lol. Basically, Jason just goes around and chop people up, no storyline. If you’re just out to look for some thrills for psycho murder, and to look at hot girls… this movie will be your pick!

Hmm..

I finally step foot into a gym too! True fitness at VivoCity. I ended up not applying for member because my Mum is against the idea. She thinks I won’t go in the end and waste money. Could be true though, haha. I think I’ve gone to a horrible desperation of wanting to becoming slim. I just wanna shed all this irritating fats off. OMG. I wanna be fit! and maybe some other personal reasons too. Hmm…

Maybe when I can prove to myself that I won’t stop exercising, then I’ll go apply for membership yea? I got a treadmill at home anyways. Was just tempted to have a personal trainer. KEKE.

Ohya, the consultant at the gym said that I have like lotsa muscles HAHA. I’m fat yea, but I’m strong ok?? I CAN PUNCH LIKE A MAN! And I got proof. Guys that got punched by me would understand. booyas! Don’t pick on me alright?! You’ll get it back hard from me. (:

I just wanna go clubbing and die on the dance floor looking sexy. HAHA. OMG. Can’t believe I just typed that out. But yea, I really do wanna do that. Yes yes.. everytime I go clubbing I hardly move on the dance floor. But I swear just gimme another month or two. You’re gonna see the wild side of Vanessa… Sweating her ass off or shaking her ass off? HAHA

Dancing is one of the best way to shed those fats you know? Fun and productive. HOHOHO.

But really, most importantly I just wanna be healthy!

Mummy was feeling lazy today. Though it was her birthday, she just wanted to stay home. Oh my, she killed my plans! Was also Celest’s final presentation. Hope she’ll get into fashion course! Mum decided we will have the birthday dinner on sunday instead. I can finally treat her to dinner with my own earned money! (:

So much things juggling up in my brain, so hard to focus. However I have found my aim. For now, I’m just gonna run like mad and go out more often. The world suddenly seems so interesting. I mean like I do go out in the past. But I guess when your views in life have change, things around you feels different too.

Started reading too. Helps to keep my mind busy. You know what? I realize I love to read! So much things I didn’t know off. Have I really been missing out alot? Still I won’t believe that I have to meet more people to find my penguin. One life, one love. But I’m still gonna meet more people anyways. Haha!

Finding more stuff to improve myself. Still, I know it’s best to take it step by step. I’ll change my ways, things will change. Have faith!

Happy birthday Mummy!!!

I hope I don’t screw up the plans! Gonna sleep right after this post.
Thank you God, for giving me such a wonderful Mummy.
She’s my superhero.

I love you Mummy!

Omg, that was fast. Within a day and my MIA period is over. o.O; miss me miss me?

I’m like damn happy! Killed another KG!!! Think it made my day a wonderful one. Left with 17kg to kill!
ARGH. So tempted to drink up the bottle of pepsi in the fridge… *SHALL RESIST!!!*

Miracle happens. And I know…

God is watching over me. He has his reasons for all his doings yea? But I thank him anyway. Because, he not only gave me a wonderful family. He sent Yingy and Onyi to watch over me. He gave me special friends like Kristy, Kevan and Tri.

You know how some people spent their whole lives searching for their other half?
I’m glad to say that God has already shown me my other half.

Honestly… Not sure if I have truely accepted God into my life. Maybe I’m deciving myself, but I feel more peaceful this way. And aint we all just looking for that? To feel at ease?

INSANITY INSANITY INSANITY INSANITY INSANITY INSANITY INSANITY!
INSANITY INSANITY INSANITY INSANITY INSANITY INSANITY INSANITY!
INSANITY INSANITY INSANITY INSANITY INSANITY INSANITY INSANITY!
INSANITY INSANITY INSANITY INSANITY INSANITY INSANITY INSANITY!

Back to square one.
INSANITY PERIOD AGAIN. BUT I MEANT WHAT I SAY.

Don’t worry ok? I’ll visit a doctor soon.

But support my every decision OK?! Even if it’s stupid and pointless. But at least I feel some joy to it.

MIA for now~

My third Angel.

I know I said that I won’t write about you anymore. Last time ok? I know I keep saying last time… and there’s always going to be another last time. I swear I’m going to keep everything about you in my heart after this. I throw away my face enough today already ok. My skin not so thick. O.o

The truth is, you are not going to pop up at my door and give me a hug anymore. The truth is, there is no we.

I know it’s impossible for us to be together now. No matter how I lie to myself. The spark for you towards me has just completely faded off. Even if I threaten and forced you to come back, we won’t be happy. Right?

I got my answer directly from you, not face to face like I wanted… but through a phone. I did get my answer anyway so I’m happy.

Still…

I kept imagining that today I’ll be able to get back with you again. We would do things like…

Happily watching movies and having dinner tomorrow. And we can bitch about the things that we did within that month being apart. You complaint once that I never had anything to say to you when you called. But now I just have so much to tell you! I’ve been reading so much interesting things and seen so many funny stuff outside! These stuff has been making me laugh so much during this depressing 1month. I saw this strange old guy at the MRT… he was listening to his IPod, he was dancing like a idiot! HAHAHA. Omg it felt so funny, I giggled abit and he smiled at me. And I thought, maybe he was drunk? HAHA

I wanted so badly to take neoprints with you, then show off to the world. I wanna paste the neoprints everywhere, all over my room. And tell myself, that’s my silly boy! I love him and will never lose him again!

I wanted to go clubbing with you and show you the wild side of me. We could look at pretty girls together, just like before. And I would tease you that you’re thinking dirty thoughts. Infact, we could see how many girls we can get within a night! You know how much I love looking at girls too ok! haha! But knowing the piorities at the end of the night which is… you and me.

I wanna go to the zoo with you, where I can act like a polar bear and make you laugh. Just like how I make Yingy laugh. We would be walking the whole zoo and I’ll complain about the heat and my tired legs. You will scold me for wearing heels but still end up carrying me. But we both know you can’t handle carrying my weight anyway! haha.

I wanted to take you to my favorite yearly event, which hasn’t been going on for 2years. Which is… THE CHALET! You know how crazy we can get in those chalets? Let’s just picture the truth and dare game. A guy and a guy forced to kiss each other with whipped cream in their mouths. MUAHAHA. I bet we could have so much fun during that weekend. You could even bring your army boys along! Let them admire pretty girls, and then I’m just gonna hug all of those girls to make them jealous. LOL.

I wanna fall asleep on your shoulders in the train just like before, while you pat me on the head and say ‘love you baby’. But this time round, I’m going to suddenly wake up and reply, ‘love you too daddy!’ And maybe give you a little smooch then go back to sleep.

I wish I could sit next to you again while you’re sleeping. Just to stare at you… hear your annoying snores. And giggle sometimes at somethings you said when you’re asleep. It’s really so cute you know?

I want to hold your hands where ever we go, which I couldn’t do in the past. I regret not holding onto you more often. Holding your hands was the most basic gesture of telling you that I love you, and I couldn’t do it. If I had the chance I would never let go of that big hands that’s been protecting me all this time. I would definitely hold on to that pair of hands and confidently shout out loud… HEY GIRLS! THAT’S MY BOYFRIEND! HE’S ALL MINE! JEALOUS?!

I even had thoughts of spending time with your granny. She really makes me miss my granny alot. I miss watching chinese series with my granny. And those random boat rides! I could do stuff with yours which I never could with mine. I think I would get along well with her, but I never had to chance to try. You’re so bliss to have your granny around and healthy. I miss being my granny’s little precious.

I wanna show you off to all my friends that you haven’t met before. And I wanted to meet all your friends too. I can be a really nice girl, I don’t bite unless provoked. At least that’s what my friends says? HAHA

I wanted to take my driver’s license ASAP. And When I do, I will pop by your place and say… “HAHA! I CAN DRIVE NOW! CAN YOU?!” Then I’ll take you for a spin, and you will laugh back at me… “HAHA! YOU CALL THAT DRIVING?!” I think I’ll be a horrible driver. x_x

We could pick on Miki when you came home! And I believe she would’ve started to love you like me. We can bring her for walks. Give her little treats, cuddle and show lotsa love! Because she’s just a dog and she just wants love from everyone. I now understand that you never once hurt her. I was just too protective of her.

I wanted to wait till your ORD. I’ll celebrate that day with you! Then end up with this annoying question, “What are you going to do now?” You know… this question will pop by soon, not coming from me… but someone will say it! haha, suddenly have this flash back. “I wannabe a hero!”

I registered and paid for my O’ levels. At 20years old, I’m doing my O’ levels! Funny ya. haha. I’m like going to study so hard to pass it! And when I do, I’m going to tell you… “SEE SEE! MY ENGLISH… I GOT ‘A’ FOR IT! BOOYAS!” Then I’ll hop my way to Sunrice and go through all the registry and inteviews myself, just like what I did back in Shatec. And hopefully a month later I’ll recieve a letter saying “You have been accepted to our school.” Then I’ll hop hop happily around and call to tell you that I’m going to be a future professional pastry chef! BOOYAS! WEEEEE.

I wanted to change everything. To finally show you how much I really do love you and appreciate you. I want to trust you all over again. There’s so much things I wanted to do with you! Such a long list, I think it might take days to finish writing. Never had the chance, and never will. Understooded!

All those above just comes down to one fact… It’s just a fantasy I have been creating during the month.

It’s such a pity that I realise it way too late. Time wasn’t at my side. And chance wasn’t given.

So…

When I get a new boyfriend, I’m definitely going to try my best! I won’t make him feel bad. I’ll treasure him and appreciate everything he does! I’ll hold on to his hands everytime we go out. I’ll be proud of him cause his not only my boyfriend but my bestfriend. I’ll support him in all kinds of situation. I’ll just be a better girlfriend next time round!

Still… at this moment, I’m living in lies, hoping you will pop out of no where and give me a hug! But yea, I know new people are going to come into my life soon. And I’m looking forward to the experience I’m going to go through again.

I tried my best to win you back, but I failed anyway. I have no more regrets now.

Knowing how you really felt was the greatest antidote given.

At the end… I’m just happy to hear that you’re doing great and you’re happy with how your life is. I still can’t let go, but I’m happy and happy for you.

You’re a special guy. You’re just simply great as yourself. Everyone is a special individual, because there’s only one of you in the world. You should be with someone better, someone who knows how to treat you. Likewise for me, I guess. I’ve cried enough. I deserve better than this.

I’m sad that I wasn’t given a chance to maybe be that girl. Sorry, I’m still not quite over it. But thank you for giving me all the reassurance possible. Still hoping that you would be thinking of us. Yes I know, it’s just to let me have a better sleep. And I think I’ll have a good dream tonight!

Lalalala.

Anyway, I hope you can find that special person. Best wishes.

Can I call you ‘daddy’ for the last time? KK! You can’t say no anyway… it’s my blog. DUH~

THANK YOU DADDY FOR BEING PART OF MY LIFE!

The devil caught me. I couldn’t resist temptation. Ate 4pc of chicken wings, 2 slices of pizza and a cup of soda! T_T

6laps down the drain. BOOO.

The wings was infront of me. It’s not my fault!! It kept looking at me!! So I thought one wouldnt hurt… so yea I took one. And it almost felt like the chicken was talking to me and saying “Eat me! Eat me!” So I took another piece… and then another. Then there was only one left so I said… “already ate three might aswell take the last one!”

Now I feel so guilty. That meal couldve killed my whole diet plan. Especially that deadly cup of soda! T_T;

Hey myself~ I’m SORRY! I won’t do it next time! OOPS! I meant… there won’t be a next time. RESIST TEMPTATION! KKKKK! */think slim sexy and healthy* >.< KEKEKE!

So anyway... I decided to keep a record of the calories killed and laps I did on the treadmill everyday. And also a record of the food I consume daily. I think it will be a great way to maintain my diet plan! Day by day, I will motivate myself to be on the treadmill even longer. Slowly gain my stamina back! (:

Any suggestions for a healthy and fast way of losing weight will be greatly appreciated! Even though I have done alot of research and gotten suggestions from professionals. But yea! Every other way can help. (:

I'm gonna call this diet plan: Project 360. KEKE. Sounds cool eh? =x

Deardear! 10 more weeks till you're back in Singapore! Hang in there! Just imagine... We are gonna go to the beach! Have fun time clubbing and drinking. And most importantly the ZOO! Then again, it doesn't matter what we do. As long as it's with you! (still, reminder to self: ready lotsa sun block!)

And a month later… I’ll grow fat again… and I will just have to start all over again. HAHAHA!

只想说一句 我爱你

While reading a book on the bed… I suddenly stopped and stared at the rose you gave me. It was the first and only rose that I’ve ever received from you.

I decided to throw it away just then… But I ended up taking it out of the bin and placing it back on the TV top.

I never liked flowers. I’ve gotten quite a number of them from others. And they always end up in the bin the next day.

Takes time to realize eh? It’s true. (:

You thought that I would die losing you. But I’m still here and I’m surviving. I’m happier than ever. But truth is, I do miss you alot. And I know if we tried again, it couldve been blissful.

Everyone had already said. It doesn’t matter what I do or say now. Because it doesn’t bother you anymore. You don’t care, that’s why you feel there’s no need to give me an answer. You just don’t want to be put in a position, which you didn’t feel you had to be in. I know it better than anyone else.

The way you replied my SMS already gave me that confirmation.

You said once you hated me assuming things. I stopped to think in a positive way that you might really just look me up next week.

But when I saw you online playing WoW. And you didn’t fail to let me know you’re not in overseas. I figured that it’s not assumptions. If it matters to you even a bit, you wouldve just called or something. Like how you put it in those previous msgs. It doesn’t matter anymore.

If you are reading this. Don’t leave me wondering. If it’s really over and there is absolutely no chance to reconcile. Please take your things away. Don’t contact me anymore. Just disappear completely.

I’m still gonna wait till next week. Just a text “It’s really over” will do. I don’t need a reason anymore, I just want an answer. It’s the least you could do for the sake of the 2years I’ve spent with you. And hopefully those 2years wasn’t a lie.

I just want to move on, but I need the answer before I can start my life all over again.

Previous post was to Yingy and now Jojo!

I have three guardian angels. One of them is Yingy and the other is you, my darling Jojo. Thanks for being part of my life.

The third angel is someone I don’t feel like speaking off anymore. Because I can’t tell if he was a devil in disguise or really an angel. And of cause, my family is so much more than just a guardian. They are my life support.

Haha… Yes!! This few days I’m feeling very thankful. I guess it’s cause I’ve been reading too much self improvement books? Too much things happening in my life. And I just keep yarning and hoping for an answer, which for this case I can never get. Very soon I think I have to lead to religious beliefs for support. But yea.. you are all right. It’s just not worth it. I didn’t even recieve a text message back after admitting my true feelings. And even if I get the answer, would I really be happy? I just gotta let go and realise that what’s gone won’t come back. And all I can do now is to accept.

Thank and appreciate people around you. Because they won’t be there forever. And who knows? Maybe the world might end tomorrow.

So….. It’s…. Picture spamming time!!!!!!!!!!!!

Remember you wrote this once? Even took a picture as a memory! haha.

This is your favorite way of finding your way into my room. o_o;

I thought a devil has invaded my room but it was really an angel dropping by! KEKE

The first time we got into Zouk! And we were underage. *roll eyes* KEKE. I stole Ping papa’s cap!

Kusa in your school uniform and my glasses. Omg I couldn’t stop laughing la. I miss his feistiness over feets and his “MY DRAGON.” LOL

Samuel boy boy and Kukugami playing with their shadows? O.o; You’re all obsessed with shadows la.

Yingy and I when over to your house to surprise you on your birthday! Do you still remember?

Kbox kbox! I wonder why you were at the door? But I know every picture always have its reasons haha. Btw… wonder whos feet is that o.O;

While waiting for Melody to finish work we decided to take a picture! O.o

Suddenly when east coast at night… Think we when there to drink, slack and play pool? I forgot already. We were night cats >.<; Always sneak out at night!

I remember this picture! Cause I was happy that day. We were at some pub near Yingy’s house. With Wayne, Kusa, Kusa’s friend and Yingy!

At Party world’s toilet =x

Party world! Party world! Party world! Party world!

Jojo looked so protective!! HAHA

Bumble beez! Bumble beez! Bumble beez! Bumble beez!

Kbox! Kbox! Kbox! Kbox!

I think this was the last time I when clubbing with you… Because I started school, moved house and got a boyfriend. I think moving house was the major problem that stopped me from going out with you. We lived 10mins walk apart before. Now its like the other side of the island…

Last picture at cheeky monkeys. Me you and my classmate which I forgot his name. SHIT. lol. My memory space full already! T-T

Basically, you taught me how to have fun. How to be confident. You forced me out of that little shell of mine. I used to be so screwed up and always feeling depressed. You taught me how to be happy. By telling me to just simply accept how things are.

Even though it’s really just partying all night. You didn’t lead me astray. Just showed me what is called “having fun” while not screwing my life up.

Most importantly, you were the one that gave me the courage to go back to school.

I didn’t last long in Shatec, because I had too much fun before. It’s no ones fault, 5years and a suddenly change… I really just couldnt adept that lifestyle of being restricted.

Because you understand me better than anyone else. As in, you understood why I felt life was pointless. While as Yingy couldn’t understand cause she was too positive with things.

I think you will surely have that “HUH?” face. Because you didn’t even know you did all this. But yea, that just shows what a great person you are!

I MISS THOSE TIMES WITH YOU. It feels different now…

it was the biggest mistake but it was also the best thing that could ever happen in my life

FIRSTLY… I just wanna share my happiness… I LOST 2KG IN A WEEK! My diet plan is working ok. healthy, fast and I’m freaking determine this time! Gotta be ready for to go beach with Yingy when she’s back? HAHA. Gonna jog like a mad woman! >.< 18 more kg to kill. Gonna be a crazy sporty freak. Gonna take dance, boxing, tennis. Definitely gonna do it soon.

I really wanna go Australia... I wanna go see my babes and my Yingy. ):

Anyways.. let's continue.

Rare occasions... Danny boy wearing glasses and didn't style his hair! MUAHAHA. I can't resist not posting this picture!! Sorry.. =x

PS, Thanks Danny boy for watching movies with me!

Even though he is like super busy and tired. He will always find time for me. Never once gave an excuse. Hmm… he did say his not gonna pick up my call next week. Cause his getting sick of movies. BOO. NAHH~ My Danny boy will never abandon me! MY MOVIE PARTNERRRR. It’s your responsibility! …At least till I get a new boyfriend or till Yingy comes back from Australia~ I DON’T CARE! T-T

He is a really nice guy. Just need to know him longer before his true self appears. I mean like… WE WERE ENEMIES BEFORE OK! Can you believe that?! And now we are like SISTERS! Or more like my long lost little brother!

BTW GIRLS… HE IS SINGLE and he plays a guitar! Place your bids!! *winks*

Thanks for fulfilling my late night movie request boy! Appreciated. (:

Btw… did I say I bought hair clip ons? I’m obsessed with my fake hair!! Thank you dead people that sold me your hair. o_O;

Here’s MEMEMEME. I’m so cute <3. Ok. shuddup. I am cute ok. HAHAHA

Few days ago… when out with my Jojo. I think we are damn funny. 8am in the morning… she goes… “I’m bored and can’t sleep!” so I said… lets go out! cause I couldn’t sleep either. Ended up slacking in bugis for hours.

Sooo we came across my favorite doraemon!

And I think she looks super cute in this picture. But she stole my giant doraemon! ): MY DORAEMON. JOJO IS A THIEF! T-T;

Kekekeke.

And heres a rare photo with my sister, Princessa!

Lastly… Elisa, Me and Prissy.

I realise Prissy is a cam whore too. Everytime someone takes pictures she will jump in! keke. SO CUTE. XD

That’s all for now! I wanna take lotsa pictures. Memories are always good!

you meant the world to me